Puzzles

Puzzles of all kinds are very popular in Great Britain. Here are a few you might like to try. They range from easy to advanced, and are in no particular order.

Number One
Which word in the English language is most often pronounced incorrectly?
Number Two
Using the letter grid below, how many words can you find. Each word must contain the central H and no letter can be used twice, however, the letters do not have to be connected. Proper nouns are not allowed, however, plurals are. There is at least one nine letter word. Advanced: 50+ words. Average: 25 words. All words can be found in the Oxford Wordpower dictionary. Here are couple to start you off: ache, heart …

R C O
E H S
R T A

Number Three
What occurs twice in a lifetime, but once in every year. Twice in a week but never in a day?
Number Four
Many years ago, befor modern educashun in the new millenium, one problem in skools was baseic speeling and grammer. To conbat this and rays acheivement, teechers were adviced to start at the very begining, at the yungest age. Once they had managed to breath new life into leessons, progres came quickly – sucess was then garanteed. How many speeling errors would modern skolars identify in this paragraph?
Number Five
Mr and Mrs Haines have three daughters and each daughter has two brothers. How many children do Mr and Mrs Haines have?
Number Six
Think of a number from 1 to 100.
Double this number.
Add 8.
Multiply by 9 (carefully!).
Add the digits together, continue to do this until you have a single digit number. For example, 542 >> 11 >> 2.
Subtract 5.
Determine which letter of the alphabet your number relates to, A=1, B=2, etc
Think of a country which STARTS with this letter.
Make a note of the LAST letter of this country.
Think of an animal which STARTS with this letter.
Make a note of the LAST letter of this animal.
Think of a colour which STARTS with this letter.
ANSWER
Does that orange eating kangaroo live in Denmark!
Number Seven
There are 5 houses in 5 different colours. In each house lives a person of a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. Using the clues below can you determine who owns the fish?
The Brit lives in a red house.
The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
The Dane drinks tea.
The green house is on the left of the white house.
The green house owner drinks coffee.
The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
The man living in the house right in the middle drinks milk.
The Norwegian lives in the first house.
The man who smokes Blend lives next door to the one who keeps cats.
The man who keeps horses lives next door to the man who smokes Dunhill.
The owner who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
The German smokes Prince.
The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
The man who smokes Blend has a neighbour who drinks water.
Number Eight
Which word, if pronounced right, is wrong, but if pronounced wrong is right?
Number Nine
Would you rather a crocodile attack you or an alligator?
Number Ten
Everything Mr Red owns is red, he lives in a red bungalow and his chairs are red, his tables are red. His ceiling, walls and floor are all red. All of this clothes are red, his shoes are red, even his carpet, television and phone are red. What colour are his stairs?
Number Eleven
Can you find something which has keys that open no locks, with space but no room, and allows you to enter but not to go in?
Number Twelve
A farmer buys a horse for $60. He sells it to his neighbour for $70. Then he discovers he could have made a better deal. He borrows $10 from his wife, and buys the horse back for $80. He then sells it to another neighbour for $90. How much money did he make?
Number Thirteen
What has a neck, but no head?
Number Fourteen
A more difficult one!
Last Saturday, four neighbour boys found that work goes more quickly when friends help friends: each of the four had found a job one of the neighbourhood adults, including Mrs. Wilson, needed done, and the four worked together to make fast work of the chores, one of which was cleaning a car. Given the following clues, you should be able to decide which job each found and for whom the work was done.

1. Three of the friends are Alex, the one who found the job mowing the lawn, and the one who got the job from Mr. Halley.
2. Mr. Trent didn’t have the job staining the backyard fence.
3. Alex didn’t locate the window-cleaning job.
4. Jason isn’t the boy who got the chore from Mr. Trent.
5. Mrs. Diaz didn’t have the job cleaning windows; Chad isn’t the friend who found the window-cleaning task.
6. Mr. Halley didn’t employ the boys as window cleaners.
7. Chad isn’t the boy who found the lawn-mowing job.
8. Mrs. Diaz isn’t the adult who gave Alex a job.
9. The chore Ian negotiated wasn’t cleaning windows.

Number Fifteen
As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks,
Each sack had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?
Number Sixteen
Three people check into a hotel. They pay $30 to the manager and go to their room. The manager finds out that the room rate is $25 and gives $5 to the bellboy to return. On the way to the room the bellboy reasons that $5 would be difficult to share among three people so he pockets $2 and gives $1 to each person.
Now each person paid $10 and got back $1. So they paid $9 each, totalling $27.
The bellboy has $2, totalling $29.
Where is the remaining dollar?
Number Seventeen
An Arab sheikh tells his two sons to race their camels to a distant city to see who will inherit his fortune. The one whose camel is slower will win. The brothers, after wandering aimlessly for days, ask a wise man for advise. After hearing the advice they jump on the camels and race as fast as they can to the city. What does the wise man say?
Number Eighteen
A quick test of intelligence for advanced students.
Don’t cheat! Because if you did, the test would be no fun. I promise, there are no tricks to the test.
Read the sentence below and count the F’s in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE. Do not go back and count them again.
See solutions for your score.

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Number Nineteen
A farmer is standing on one side of the river and with him are a wolf, a goat and a box with cabbages. In the river there is a small boat. The farmer wants to cross the river with all the three items who are with him. There are no bridges and in the boat there is only room for the farmer and one item. But if he leaves the goat with the cabbages alone on one side of the river the goat will eat the cabbages. If he leaves the wolf and the goat on one side the wolf will eat the goat. Only the farmer can seperate the wolf from the goat and the goat from the cabbage.

How can the farmer cross the river with all three items, without one eating the other ?
Number Twenty
During the lunch hour at school, a group of five boys from Miss Jones home room visited a nearby lunch wagon. one of the five boys took a Mars bar without paying for it. When the boys were questioned by the school principal, they made the following statements in respective order:
1. Rex: “Neither Earl nor I did it.”

2. Jack: “It was Rex or Peter.”

3. Peter: “Both Rex and Jack are lying.”

4. Dan: “Peter’s statement is not true; one of them is lying and the other is speaking the truth.”

5. Earl: “What Dan said is wrong.”

When Miss Jones was consulted, she said, “Three of these boys are always truthful, but everything that two of them say will be a lie.” Assuming that Miss Jones is correct, who took the Mars bar?
Number Twenty-One
You are lost in a forest. The forest is between two villages. In village A live only liars, they always lie. In village B people always tell the truth. You want to go to village B. Then you see a man from village A or B. You can ask him only one question.
Which question will you ask him to know for sure where village B is ?
Number Twenty-Two
The objective in this Word Mine puzzle is to anagram as many 4- and 5-letter words as possible using the letters in the puzzle master word. A letter may be used to form a new word only as many times as it appears in the master word. Words should be composed of common words; words not eligible are those beginning with a capital letter, plurals, present-tense verbs ending in “S” (“sees,” for example), contractions, and hyphenated words. Our Word Mine master word is:
‘Excalibur’
At least 37 four-letter long and 17 five-letter long words can be anagrammed from this one word!
Number Twenty-Three
What is strange about these sentences?
• Was it a car or a cat I saw?
• Warsaw was raw.
o No lemons, no melon.
o Dennis and Edna sinned.
Number Twenty-Four
These sentences are also a little strange. Why?
Women understand men; few men understand women.
Bores are people that say that people are bores.
Eat to live; never live to eat.
All for one and one for all.
You can cage a swallow, can’t you, but you can’t swallow a cage, can you?

Answers

Number One – incorrectly!

Number Two – Send us an e-mail with your list of words. We’ll let you know how well you did!

Number Three- The letter E.

Number Four – Many years ago, before modern education in the new millennium, one problem in schools was basic spelling and grammar. To combat this and raise achievement, teachers were advised to start at the very beginning, at the youngest age. Once they had managed to breathe new life into lessons, progress came quickly – success was then guaranteed. How many spelling errors would modern scholars identify in this paragraph?

Number Five – 5; three daughters and two sons.

Number Six -

Number Seven

This teaser is usually attributed to Einstein, who may or may not have written it. The German owns the fish and the table below details the full answer:
Nationality: Norweg Dane Brit German Swede
Colour : Yellow Blue Red Green White
Beverage : water tea milk coffee beer
Smokes : Dunhill Blend Pall Mall Prince Blue Master
Pet : cats horses birds fish dogs

Number Eight – Wrong.

Number Nine – I would rather the crocodile attack the alligator. Read the sentence again to see the double meaning.

Number Ten – He doesn’t have any stairs because he lives in a bungalow!

Number Eleven – A keyboard.

Number Twelve – The farmer ended up with $90.

The total he had was: $60 + $10 from his wife == $70. $90 – $70 = $20 dollars profit.

Number Thirteen – a bottle.

Number Fourteen

By clue 1, three of the friends helping friends are Alex, the boy who found the job mowing the lawn, and the one who had Mr. Halley’s task. The boy who found the window cleaning job isn’t Alex (3) and didn’t get the work from Mr. Halley (6), so he is the fourth to the three in clue 1. He isn’t Chad (5), nor did Chad find the lawn-mowing job (7); Chad got the job from Mr. Halley. The job for Mrs. Diaz wasn’t cleaning windows (5), and Alex isn’t the boy who got the task helping her (8); Mrs. Diaz had the lawn-mowing job. By clue 9, Ian found the mowing job and Jason the window cleaning. Jason’s work wasn’t for Mr. Trent (4); Alex’s was, and Jason found Mrs. Wilson’s chore. The fence-staining job was for Mr. Halley, and Mr. Trent paid to have his car cleaned (2). In summary, the Saturday jobs were

• Alex, cleaning car for Mr. Trent
• Chad, staining fence for Mr. Halley
• Ian, mowing lawn for Mrs. Diaz
• Jason, cleaning windows for Mrs. Wilson

Number Fifteen – One, only I was going to St. Ives.

Number Sixteen

Each person paid $9, totalling $27. The manager has $25 and the bellboy $2. The bellboy’s $2 should be added to the manager’s $25 or subtracted from the tenants’ $27, not added to the tenants’ $27.

Number Seventeen

The wise man tells them to switch camels.

Number Eighteen

There are six F’s in the sentence.
A person of average intelligence finds three of them.
If you spotted four, you’re above average.
If you got five, you can turn your nose at most anybody.
If you caught six, you are a genius.
There is no catch.
Many people forget the “OF”‘s.
The human brain tends to see them as V’s and not F’s.
Pretty weird, huh?

Number Nineteen

First the farmer takes the goat across the river. He goes back to pick up the wolf. When he is across he leaves the wolf and takes back the goat. Back on the other side he leaves the goat and takes the cabbages with him. Then he picks up the goat and all three items are on the other side.

Number Twenty – Peter took the Mars bar

Number Twenty-One
Ask the man which city he lives in. He will always point to village B.

Number Twenty-Two
Four and five letter words formed from the word EXCALIBUR:
able, acre, axle, bail, bale, bare, bear, beau, bile, blue, blur, burl, care, club, clue, crab, crib, crux, cube, curb, cure, curl, earl, ibex, lace, lair, lice, lieu, lube, lure, race, rail, real, rice, rile, rule,
acerb, auric, baler, blare, bluer, brace, cable, clear, cruel, exurb, laxer, libra, relax, relic, ruble, ulcer.

Number Twenty-Three
They are all palindromes. A palindrome is a word, phrase or number that reads exactly the same backwards as forwards. The name “palindrome” comes from the Greek palindromos meaning “running back again”.

Number Twenty-Four
They are all word-unit palindomes. Word-unit palindromes relate to whole words, which form the same sentence when read in reverse as forwards.

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Riddles

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Q: What are two things people never eat before breakfast?
A: Lunch and supper.
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Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.
Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.
Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.
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Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.
Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle.
Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: On the bottom.
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Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
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Q: What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends?
A: Ohio.
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Q: “There were some twins. One was twenty, the other was twenty 2. One married the other. How can be this ?”
A: “One was twenty, the other twenty too. One was a priest so he married the other”
PS: These sentences must be asked orally .Pronunciation is important. (too = 2)
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Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.
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This one should be spoken.
Q: How many legs does an ant have?
A: Two, the same as an uncle.
(HINT: ant = aunt)
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Q: How many people are buried in that cemetery?
A: All of them.
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Q: What can’t be used until it’s broken?
A: An egg.
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Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?
A: Baby tigers.
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Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper
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Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
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Q: How do you know when a motorcycle policeman is happy?
A: He has bugs on his teeth!
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Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
(The 8 looks like a 0 with a belt around its waist.)
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Q: What did number 1 say to 7?
A: Nice hair
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In the alphabet…
Q: Which is the most self-centered letter of the alphabet?
A: “i” (I)
Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?
“y” (Why?”)
________________________________________
Q: Which letter is not me?
A: U.
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Q: What letter can do the work in one day that you can do in two days?
A: W (Double u- Double you)
Q: Why don’t we need a compass at the North Pole?
A: Because every direction is south.
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Q: Why is the A like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.
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Why is the letter “A” like noon?
Because it’s in the middle of the day.
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Q: “What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?”
A: “The C”
________________________________________
Q: “What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?”
A: “The Q. (queue)
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Q: What has two heads, four eyes, six legs and a tail?
A: A horse and its rider.
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Q: What is as big as a horse but doesn’t weigh anything?
A: The horse’s shadow.
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Q. Why was the hearse horse hoarse?
A. Because of the coffin
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Q: Why are man with pierced ears better suited for marriage?
Q: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.
________________________________________
Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.
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Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk there.
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Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!
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Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have “c”, “o”,”m” or “n” in them.
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I tried this one with Japanese university students. They understood all the words and enjoyed it.
Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
________________________________________
Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
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Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel
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Q: A man rode into town on Tuesday. Two days later he rode home on Tuesday. How is this possible?
A: His horse’s name is Tuesday.
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Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY)
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Q: A father and his son were in a car accident. The father died. The son was taken to the hospital. The doctor came in and said: I can’t do surgery on him, because he’s my son. Who was the doctor?
A: The doctor was his mother.
It’s an old riddle that is more difficult in some countries than in others.
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Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Beacuse it saw the salad dressing!
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Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
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Q: How far can a dog run into the forest?
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.
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Q: What do you call a bear without an “ear”?
A: BBBBBBB
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Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
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A: How many apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?
B: 4 or 5
A: No, that’s wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn’t empty.
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If you are doing a discussion about space, then students will like this one.
Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
A: To find Pluto.
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Q: What is the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf’s mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow’s Ma.
________________________________________
Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can’t find his car?
A: Carlos
It’s pronounced “carless” (meaning without a car)
________________________________________
Q: What’s the difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don’t have to pay for lightening.
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This riddle may be used when teaching a lesson on occupations.
Q: What’s the difference between a TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ?
A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.
________________________________________
Q: What part of your body disappears when you stand up?
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal ‘stand up’, and ‘laptop’, lap-dog, etc.)
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Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.
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Q: Why did the trafic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
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Q: What’s the difference between a lion with toothache and a wet day?
A: One’s roaring with pain the other’s pouring with rain
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Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.
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My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!
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Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No “eye” = No “i”)
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Q: What has thirteen hearts but no body and no soul?
A: A pack of playing cards.
Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
A: Selfish.
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Q: Why couldn’t Mozart find his teacher?
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden –> Hidin’ –> Hiding)
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Q. What’s a minimum?
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)
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Q: Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it’s two-tired (too tired)
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Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?
A: Pork chops.
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Q: What’s got a head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.
Q: What’s got a wave but no sea?
A: My hair.
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Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.
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Q: Where does a boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?
A: Wherever he wants to. ________________________________________
What makes “oom” and gives milk?
A cow walking backwards.
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Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?
A: Ouch!
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Q: Where does Dracula stay when he goes to New York City?
A: The Vampire State building.
Q: What do cows like to read?
A: The mooooospaper
Q: What is the longest word?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.
________________________________________
Q: What’s the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there’s a mile between the first and the last letter.)
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A: What is the word that everybody always says wrong?
B: “Wrong”.
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Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short
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A: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
B; Rubber-band — because it streches.
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Q. How many seconds are there in one year?
A. Twelve. January second, February second, March second…
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Q. What two days of the week start with the letter “T”?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!
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Q: What did the doughnut say to the loaf of bread?
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
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Q: Why did the pony have a sore throat?
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)
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Q: What did the undertaker die of?
A: Coughin’ (coffin)
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Q: Why can’t a nose be twelve inches?
A: Because then it would be a foot.
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Q: How do porcupines kiss each other?
A: Very carefully.
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Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
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Q: What has teeth but can’t bite?
A: A Comb.
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
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Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Q. Why did the baby cross the road?
A. Because it was stapled to the chicken.
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Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide!
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A: Why did the chewing-gum cross the road?
B: Because it was stuck to the chickens foot.
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the possum it could be done.
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Q: Why do people call their own language their mother tongue?
A: Because their fathers seldom get a chance to use it. ________________________________________
Q: A big moron and a little moron are walking across a bridge when the big moron falls off. Why didn’t the little moron fall off?
A: He was a little more on.
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Q: Name one eight letter word that has kst in the middle, in the beginning, and at the end.
A: “Inkstand”, “in” is at the beginning, “kst” is in the middle, and “and” is at the end.
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Q: When does a dialect become a language?
A: When its speakers get an army and a navy.
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Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without any dressing.
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Q: Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there.
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Q: Why don’t sharks eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
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Q: What would the pig say when its tailed was held tight by the farmer who had a sharp knife in his other hand?
A: “That’s the end of me!”
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Q: Do you know where people send a horse when it is sick?
A: To a horsepital.
Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?
A: Tell him I can’t see him today.
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Q: Which ‘BUS’ could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!
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Q: What a bee says when it gets in the hive?
A: Hi Honey! I’m home!
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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut !
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A: Why did the boy balloon chase the girl balloon?
Q: Because he wanted to see her bust!
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Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: fsh (No letter “i”, so no i’s.)
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea. (No eye deer)
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
A: Still no idea.
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Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
A: They go to the mooovies!
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Q: What animal is it that has four legs a tail and flies?
A: A dead horse!
A: What is the difference between a mail box and an elephant?
B: I don’t know.
A: I’m not going to give you any letters to post then!
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Q: What do you call ‘a fly’ without wings?
A: You call it ‘a walk.’
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I saw this on a web-site of musician jokes. It’s not original, but I thought I would share it. Here it is:
Q: What’s the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
A: A savings bond eventually matures and earns money.
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Q: What color is a guitar string?
A: Plink!
(It is the sound the a guitar makes. The word sounds like the color “pink.”)
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What goes “ZUB, ZUB”?
A bee flying backwards.(Buz,Buz)
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Teacher: What time is it?
Students: Umm, eight fifty-nine?
Teacher: Nope.
Students: About nine o’clock?
Teacher: No.
Students: What then?
Teacher: It’s time to go home.
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Q: What did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
A: You are the light of my life.
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Q: Why did the golfer take and extra pair of pants for his Saturday round of golf?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
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Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?
A. In case he got a hole in one!
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Q: What flowers have two lips?
A: Tulips
Q: They travel all over the world but end up in the corner, what are they?
A: Stamps
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Q: Why didn’t the farmer cry when his dairy cow fell off the cliff?
A: There’s no use crying over split milk.
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Q: Ten copycats were sitting in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None. They were all copycats.
Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor?
A: A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.
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Q: What is a bachelor?
A: A man who never Mrs. (misses) anyone.
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Q: Why do cows have bells?
A: Because their horns don’t work.
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This one may be difficult for some ESL students since it requires knowing the words “seagul”, “bay” and “bagel”
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
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Q: What’s the difference between a trampoline and an English textbook?
A: You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
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Q: How do you get ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method?
A: Shoot nine of them.
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Q: Why were the little drops of ink crying?
A: Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.
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Q: How many sheep does it take to make one wool sweater?
A: I didn’t even know sheep could knit!
Q: What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.
Q: What’s the most colorful state of U.S.A.?
A: Color-ado.
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Q: In what state does it cost the most to live in?
A: Expennsylvania.
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Q: What did the cannibal who was late for dinner get?
A: The cold shoulder.
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A Christmas time joke for grammar classes:
Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Why bother, he won’t come anyway.
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Q: How do you top a car?
A: Tep on the brake, tupid!
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Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including “y” ?
A: Unquestionablely!
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Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk.
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Vocabulary Quiz:
Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)
Information Quiz:
Q: What is the tallest building in our town?
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)
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Q: If you are Russian before you enter the bathroom and Finnish after you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom?
A: European. (You’re a-peein’.)
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This riddle may be good for high-level science majors.
Q: What do you call a test tube that graduates from high school?
A: A graduated cylinder
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Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.

Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
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Q: How did Jonah feel after he got swallowed by a fish?
A: Down in the mouth.
Q: What did the monk say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
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Maybe only appropriate for more mature students.
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam!
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Q: A man was locked in a room with only a bed, a calendar, and a piano. How did he drink, how did he eat, and how did he get out? Another man was locked in a room with only a mirror and a table. How did he get out? A third man was locked in an empty room. How did he escape?
A: The first man drank from the springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door. The second man looked in the mirror to see what he saw. Then he took the saw and cut the table in half. Next, he put the two halves together to make a whole. Finally, he crawled out through the hole. The third man broke out with the measles.
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Q. What’s brown and sticky?
A. A stick!
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Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.